Helping Your Child Cope with Divorce: What to Say (and Not Say)

Divorce can be an emotionally confusing and destabilizing experience for children. While adults may understand the reasons behind the decision, children often struggle to make sense of the change - and may even blame themselves. How you talk to your child about divorce can significantly shape their emotional adjustment and long-term resilience. 

It’s important to be honest, yet age appropriate. Avoid oversharing details or placing blame. Instead, focus on reassuring your child that they are loved by both parents and that the divorce is not their fault. Phrases like “We both love you very much” and “This is a grown-up decision” can provide clarity without creating fear or guilt. 

Children often fear the unknown: Where will I live? Will I still see both parents? What will change? Providing concrete, consistent answers—while acknowledging their feelings—is key. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers right away. Let them know you’ll keep them informed and that it’s okay to have questions. 

Avoid putting children in the middle. They shouldn’t feel responsible for managing adult emotions or passing messages between parents. Encourage open dialogue but resist the urge to speak negatively about your co-parent in front of them. Children benefit most from seeing their parents work together respectfully—even if the relationship has ended. 

Each child will process divorce differently. Some may act out, others may become quiet or anxious. Watch for behavioural or emotional changes and give your child space to express themselves through talking, drawing, or play. Routine and structure can also provide comfort during a time of uncertainty. 

In some cases, therapy can help children understand and work through their feelings. A neutral space with a supportive therapist can be incredibly healing, especially if the divorce has been high-conflict or emotionally charged. 

Divorce is never easy, but with thoughtful communication and emotional support, your child can emerge feeling secure, valued, and understood.