How to Truly Be Seen: The Psychology of Feeling Understood

To be seen is one of our most fundamental human needs. It goes beyond being noticed or observed; it is the deep psychological experience of being understood, accepted, and validated for who we are at our core. For children and adults alike, feeling seen can be a profound source of healing and connection.

This need is deeply rooted in attachment theory, which tells us that early relationships with caregivers shape our internal sense of safety and self-worth. When caregivers respond consistently and attune to a child’s emotional states, such as mirroring their joy, soothing their distress, and acknowledging their uniqueness the child internalises the message of belonging and mattering. This early experience of being seen becomes the foundation for secure attachment, self-esteem, and emotional resilience.

The idea is echoed in humanistic psychology, which emphasises unconditional positive regard (a way of relating that conveys deep acceptance without judgment). When individuals feel seen without conditions or expectations, they’re more likely to develop a strong sense of identity and inner confidence.

Feeling unseen, by contrast, can lead to internal disconnection. Children who are regularly misunderstood, dismissed, or only valued for their performance or compliance may begin to suppress parts of themselves. This can manifest later as anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing behaviours, or even emotional withdrawal. In therapeutic work, it’s not uncommon to hear phrases like, “I don’t even know who I am anymore,” which often stem from years of feeling unseen or misrecognised.

From an interpersonal neurobiology perspective, the brain is wired for connection. When someone feels truly seen and safe in a relationship, whether with a caregiver, teacher, therapist, or peer their nervous system responds. Heart rate settles. Cortisol levels drop. Eye contact feels safer. In other words, emotional visibility has a physiological impact.

So how can we help children (and ourselves) feel truly seen?

It starts with presence. Put down the phone. Make eye contact. Reflect what you hear without rushing to fix or change it. Say things like, “That sounds really hard,” or “Tell me more.” Simple, grounded moments like this build emotional safety and open the door to authentic connection.

It also involves curiosity - seeking to understand the world from the other person’s perspective. Instead of focusing solely on behaviour, we can ask, What’s this child trying to communicate? or What need is underneath this reaction? These questions shift us from correction to connection, and they create the space for someone to feel known.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the experience of not feeling seen whether as a child, parent, or adult please feel free to contact our administration team to book an appointment. Our clinicians are here to provide a safe, validating space for individuals to reconnect with themselves and others, and to feel truly seen for who they are.