Noticing Strengths and Struggles: A Balanced Approach to Supporting Children

One of the most powerful ways to support a child’s development is by learning to see them through a balanced lens, one that recognises both their strengths and their struggles. While it’s natural to focus on difficulties when they arise, it’s equally important to notice what’s going well. This holistic view helps build a strong foundation for emotional resilience, healthy self-esteem, and long-term wellbeing.

From a developmental psychology perspective, it’s expected that children will move through various challenges as they grow. Emotional regulation, attention, social communication, and learning skills all develop at different rates. Some children may experience persistent difficulties in one area while excelling in another. Understanding that development is not always linear can help reduce pressure and reframe difficulties as part of a broader, dynamic picture.

Just as important as identifying areas of concern is the practice of noticing and nurturing strengths. This is at the heart of positive psychology and the strengths-based approach, which encourage caregivers and professionals to highlight qualities like creativity, persistence, compassion, and curiosity. When children feel that their positive traits are seen and valued not just their challenges, they are more likely to feel capable, connected, and confident.

Children’s profiles are often uneven, especially when viewed through a neurodevelopmental lens. A child may have strong verbal reasoning but struggle with transitions. Another may be highly sensitive and empathetic yet have difficulty managing frustration. By recognising both strengths and vulnerabilities, adults can provide more tailored support and realistic expectations.

This is where the concept of a strength-vulnerability profile becomes helpful. It involves identifying not just what a child finds difficult, but also the areas where they excel or show potential. When strengths are used as entry points for learning and coping, they can buffer against stress and foster motivation.

Ecological systems theory (Bronfenbrenner) also reminds us that children’s behaviour is shaped by many interconnected environments - home, school, peers, and the broader community. A child who struggles in one setting may thrive in another. Understanding these layers provides valuable insight into how and where to intervene effectively.

Observing both strengths and struggles allows for more compassionate, sensitive responses. It encourages adults to shift from “What’s wrong?” to “What’s going on - and what can we build on?” This mindset not only promotes growth but also reinforces a child’s sense of being seen, understood, and supported.