Perfectionism in Kids: When High Standards Become Harmful

Wanting to do well is usually a positive trait. Many children take pride in their schoolwork, hobbies, or sports, and this motivation can help them learn persistence and responsibility. But when the drive to succeed turns into a fear of failure, perfectionism can begin to take a toll on a child’s wellbeing.

Perfectionism in children often shows up as intense frustration over small mistakes, endless revising of work, or reluctance to try new things unless they feel certain they will succeed. Some children may appear highly driven and organised, while others may avoid tasks altogether because the pressure of not being “perfect” feels too overwhelming. In both cases, the underlying struggle is the same as self-worth becomes tied to flawless performance.

This pattern doesn’t just cause stress in the moment. Over time, perfectionism can increase anxiety, lower self-esteem, and make children more vulnerable to burnout. It can also diminish them of the joy of learning, as curiosity and experimentation give way to fear of “getting it wrong.”

Parents can support children by reframing the role of mistakes. Talking openly about times you’ve struggled, adjusted, and kept going shows children that imperfection is part of growth. Praising effort, creativity, and persistence, rather than just outcomes, also helps shift the focus away from results.

Encouraging balance is important too. Making time for play, relaxation, and activities where there’s no pressure to ‘perform’ allows children to experience success in different ways. When they see themselves as more than their achievements, they become more resilient in the face of challenges.

Perfectionism may seem like a sign of ambition, but it often masks self-doubt. By helping children accept mistakes as stepping stones, we nurture not only their learning but also their confidence, flexibility, and emotional wellbeing.