Helping Your Child Cope with School Stress and Exams

For many children, school exams are more than just a test of knowledge - they feel like a test of who they are. A high mark can bring pride and confidence, while a disappointing result can quickly spiral into feelings of failure or not being “good enough.” Over time, this link between achievement and self-worth can weigh heavily on a child’s wellbeing.

It’s natural for children to want approval and recognition for their efforts. But when their sense of value becomes tied too closely to outcomes, setbacks can feel crushing. Instead of seeing exams as part of the learning journey, they may see them as proof of whether they are capable, smart, or worthy of love and acceptance.

Parents and caregivers play an important role in reshaping this narrative. One of the most powerful steps is separating the person from the performance. Simple affirmations that highlight effort and character, such as recognising persistence, curiosity, or determination, can shift the focus away from marks. Over time, children begin to understand that their value isn’t measured by numbers on a page, but by the strengths they bring to challenges.

It also helps to normalise mistakes and setbacks as a natural part of growth. Sharing your own experiences - times when you struggled, learned, and still moved forward - can make this lesson feel real. Children benefit from seeing that even adults make mistakes and continue to succeed in life.

Equally important is balance. Encouraging activities outside of academics - sport, art, music, friendships, play - helps children build a broader sense of identity. When they see themselves as more than just students, they have more places to find confidence, belonging, and joy.

Exams will always bring some level of stress, but they don’t need to define a child’s self-esteem. By focusing on effort, resilience, and the whole person beyond the grades, we can help children build a stronger foundation - one where self-worth comes from within, not from a score.