Supporting Siblings of Children with Special Needs: A Psychologically Informed Approach

When a child has special needs, the entire family system adapts - roles shift, attention is redistributed, and emotional landscapes evolve. Within this context, siblings often find themselves navigating complex emotional terrain. While many develop empathy, maturity, and strong caregiving instincts, others may experience guilt, resentment, confusion, or a sense of invisibility.

Attachment theory reminds us that a child’s sense of safety and self-worth develops through consistent, responsive caregiving. Siblings of children with special needs may sometimes feel that their own emotional needs are deprioritised. Even well-intentioned parents can unknowingly miss cues from a child who has learned to downplay their own distress. Providing dedicated one-on-one time, listening without interruption, and validating their feelings helps strengthen secure attachment.

From the perspective of the family systems theory, every member of a family plays a role in maintaining the overall balance. When one child requires more support due to developmental, medical, or emotional needs, it can inadvertently alter the sibling’s role (perhaps as a helper, a peacemaker, or even the “easy” child).  Over time, these roles can shape a child’s identity in ways that are both empowering and limiting. Helping parents reflect on these dynamics fosters greater emotional awareness to all children in the family, not just the one with higher needs.

Further research underscores the importance of protective factors in helping children cope with adversity. For siblings, these protective factors include strong peer relationships, access to supportive adults outside the immediate family, and the opportunity to engage in hobbies or activities that foster self-efficacy. Key strategies that help siblings thrive emotionally and psychologically include; encouraging independence, celebrating their unique achievements, and facilitating social support networks are.

It’s also important to acknowledge the concept of ambiguous loss (the feeling of grieving something intangible). A sibling might grieve the idea of a “typical” sibling relationship or feel a quiet sadness about family routines that revolve around therapy sessions, medical appointments, or behavioural crises. These are nuanced, often unspoken feelings that deserve space and compassion.

Clinical support can be especially beneficial when siblings show signs of internalising difficulties such as anxiety, perfectionism, withdrawal or externalising behaviours like anger or defiance. These may be expressions of unmet emotional needs or a response to chronic stress within the family unit. Psychoeducation, family therapy, and individual counselling can help siblings make sense of their experiences, develop healthy coping strategies, and build emotional literacy.

Above all, supporting these siblings is not about equalising attention, but about equitable care, ensuring that each child feels safe, valued, and emotionally supported in the ways they uniquely need.